Pictures from Spring Break

The smallest plane I've been on. It can fit about 77 ppl only. And the air stewardess isn't the stereotyped young and skinny stewardess.

Boy, was I happy to see the sun and clear sky again!

I wish for... (at the St Louis Science Center)

Moo...(me, Steven, and Brittany)

Say hello, to Tarzan's Jane.

At Missouri's Zoo (it's free and cool!):
Cool Sculpture

How promiscuous..

At Fitz's: me, Brittany, Ricky, Laura, and Steve.
Thank you guys for taking me around St Loius!

Old record store, Vintage Vinyl

The Big Finale: The Gateway to the West
St Louis Arch

Laura, Steve, Brittany, and me.

The Mississippi River at high tide and high current.

I'm sure you can tell how windy it was then.

Imo's pizza..yummy! Thin and crunchy crusted pizza.

I must say, this trip was a pleasant one. Although St Louis is incomparable to fun places like LA, NYC or Chicago, it was worth it to see the arch and to spend my time engaging in another cultural learning experience with Brittany and her friends as well as observing American lifestyle in a suburb (Union, Missouri).

More of St Louis and A NEW EARTH

My trip in St Louis continues with a visit to Forest Park, the 2nd largest park in the USA with Central Park in NYC being the largest. It's a pretty neat park. My roommate, her friends and I visited the Science Center and a small part of the zoo which we are going to visit again tomorrow because we didn't have much time there today. They are all free of charge. The weather today is getting better and that makes me happy. Tomorrow, I'm going to see the arch...woohoo!

As I watched the third chapter of A New Earth on Oprah.com just now, I felt more aware of past mistakes and feelings that manifested out of my ego (strong false sense of self). This may be confusing for many of you who are reading this but hear me now on what I have to say as you can learn about it more when you watch A New Earth on Oprah.com or read The Power of Now or A New Earth.

Reactions to what people say, judgments of people, the need to be responsible for others and feeling distracted by it, feelings of hurt and pain, and complaints are generated by the ego. What resonated with me from the show is the question a caller asked. She asked how does she and her mum are supposed to be awakened and live in the present moment when they are distracted from having to worry and be responsible of her sister who is on drugs. His answer to the question was that they shouldn't try so hard to be responsible for her. Instead, they should look into themselves and look at their worry. They should accept that and bring themselves into meditative state and just be in peace with themselves for awhile. Although their minds or their voice in their heads tell them they have to worry about the sister because worrying here has some purpose but it really doesn't. Their minds tell them they have to save the sister but that is not necessarily true. The only way they may be of agents of healing to the sister is by being conscious of themselves and thus, being able to provide guide and help to the sister.There was another important thing that I found great from the show. There were readers who wanted to know about the conflicts they have in integrating spiritual teachings of this book and religions they have. Well, according to Oprah and Eckhart, this book is not about believing, it's about what you come to feel for yourself. And that God is an experience, not a belief. Hence, God is (existence, consciousness, being). If your religion or God is a belief, God is not truly God. You have to realize that you are one with the source and not by believing. There are things that just have to be experienced....and the lessons go on.

This sorts to speak the reason how many people, whether or not they are religious can feel that there is God, being, consciousness or whatever names you want to call it even though they aren't brought up with that beliefs.

Seriously people, I would recommend you watch the shows for yourself. Go to Oprah's website and click on A New Earth or just click on the link and let me know what you think about it.

Rain rain go away..

Rain, rain go away, come again another day. Sylvia wants to, Sylvia wants to, Sylvia wants to go out and play.

It hasn't stopped raining since last night. I love the rain and the relative warmth down here but I would like to visit places while I'm here in St Louis. Hopefully the weather forecast is right and we can go to downtown St Louis tomorrow.

It's been a long day without much to do but it is surely serene. I just watched Oprah in the morning and we went to see the high rising and flooding Missouri River and then we went to Target followed by dinner at "Steak and Shake". The burger is pretty good and the fries are so cute and small. The shake's awesome too.

There's nothing much to do here but I'm just glad it's warm. =).

Off to bed!

Long gone were the days when I was still a girl

As I looked outside the window, I was impressed by the cushy clouds floating below the plane. The peace and beauty just resonated with me today. Long gone were the days when I sat in the plane and missed my home and parents and worried a great deal about leaving my secure home. I'm traveling around as a big girl now. Today, I flew to St Louis with my roommate Brittany to her home. She will be taking me around and I'll get to see the famous arch (that's all I care about..hehe).

Our flight was supposed to have one stop in O'hare airport in Chicago but thankfully, due to the bad weather in Chicago, the people in American Airlines decided to reroute us to fly directly from Minneapolis to St Louis.. Woohoo. From a 4 hour flight to a 1 hour flight.

When I entered the plane, I was so surprised and amused by how small the plane was. The maximum capacity was approximately 77 ppl. It was smaller than a Fokker. Hahaha...Wait till I put the pictures up. There was only one air stewardess and she was a grandma stewardess. Not exactly the image of air stewardess that I carry-young, pretty, slim.

We landed at the airport in on time after a horribly turbulent and bumpy ride which I fortunately managed to slept through most of it. After waiting for a long time for our luggage, we decided to ask the staff where our luggage is. As feared, they forgot to move our luggage to the plane we are in. According to them, it's in Chicago and the flight there has been delayed too. So, luckily we got the direct flight. However, as Brittany lives an hour drive from the airport and there was no guarantee when the bags will actually arrive, we decided to leave and have them send them to her house tomorrow. So, I'm stuck without my precious luggage till tomorrow.

Nevertheless, I am just grateful that we took the direct flight. I couldn't imagine how long we had to wait in Chicago if we were stuck there. Rumor has it that one usually do not get through Chicago airport without any problems. Next time, whenever my flight get rerouted again, I'll deliberately ask them to check if my luggage has been transfered to the other plane. Lesson learned. Checked!

Btw, I had food from White Castle today for dinner. It was so funny. "Harold and Kumar: Journey to the White Castle" They have small burgers that look like "pau" and they come in around four burgers in one meal. Cute and yummy but BELLY BLOWING!

P.S. Pictures will only be up after Spring Break.

Hit by the flail...Ouch!

Thoughts have been swinging around my head like a flail and every time I paused, the spikes hit me hard puncturing my skin. ARGH..... Snap! Stay focus!

Whether it was a happy thought or a pessimistic thought, it took me away from the "here and now" and I just got lost in my thoughts and lose focus in what I do i.e. when I walk, study and listen in class. Oh boy..Thank God I regained my awareness through yoga. When I walked back from yoga class, I paused, breathed and walked mindfully, looking up at the sky. Those short but rich moments were calming. I aim to achieve that state of awareness and presence.

On another note, I had two more subjects who signed up on my slots today. Woohoo...extra bucks..$$ Kaching kaching...I also got to chat with Sim, my best buddy since Primary 5 which was nice.

Later in the night, I went to Sarah's room to study and during my break I just enjoyed looking at the world map in her room. I want to have one too. She told me how she cheered herself up by looking at the US map when she was sad and stuck in Winona feeling that there's nothing in the world for her. The world is bigger than our small problems, isn't it? Wow.. I'm gonna get one for myself. Then, I'll remember to make sure I go to every single country on the map before I go to my grave.

It's time to go to bed and wake up early to study for exam tomorrow! Good luck to me!

Video Presentation for House 5: Malaysia Through my Eyes

This is the video presentation I made that I showed to my house as part of the cultural exchange program we have this semester. Yeah, promote M'sia...Lol...

Guess what caught my hallmates' interest the most? Durian!!....Wahahaha....Sweet!

Lessons in sayings

Two quotes that caught my attention today:

"People tend to judge a person by their mistakes not the person as a whole" -Oprah Winfrey

"Don't leave the person you love for the person you like because the person you like will leave for the people (s)he loves" -Anonymous

M'sia, Indonesia, and a call for exercise!

Friday was an awesome night as I got to present about M'sia to my house, House 5. I made a video of M'sia and showed it to the house. I was pretty nervous though as there were some problems with my computer and its incompatibility with the programs from other computers. The videos couldn't run on it as I have done it on another computer and the song that I took from my computer couldn't be run by the movie maker program on another computer. ARGH......Luckily my friend let me use his computer and his songs on it to be added into my video. Time was ticking. It was already 6.45 and I was not done with my presentation. Nevertheless, everything went quite well except for the timing of the music and some captions. My hallmates seemed interested in it and they asked lots of questions about M'sia. They were mostly captivated by our durian. LOL. Boy, are they curious how it smells and tastes. As soon as I fix the video and get my computer free from viral infection, I am going to upload it here.

Later that night, PERSISMA (Persatuan Mahasiswa Malaysia) and PERMIAS (Persatuan Mahasiswa Indonesia) had a joint bowling event in which we were mixed into groups of four and compete with the other groups to get the highest total score. Wow, it was so fun. I really enjoyed it.

Yesterday and this morning and afternoon was unproductive for me as my body was tired. I should have just listened to my body when I felt the urge to go and exercise in the recreation center. I went this afternoon after my failed attempt to sleep in my nap and I felt so energized. I should do it every day to keep me up to the beat.

There are still lots of things to do in my to-do list. I'm going to have to get all of them done before taking off for my Spring break vacation. Nitez....

Die rats, Die!

Ah..a bowl of rats!

As part of PSI CHI's agenda of the day, I and two other the PSI CHI members as well as a PSI CHI officer were brought to tour the cognitive neuroscience lab in the basement of Elliot Hall. There we entered the chamber for rat torture - the rats are injected with drugs into their brains, have their skulls drilled while their arms and legs are held in place with metal bolts and stuffs of that sort (I saw light traces of blood on the equipment), have their skulls removed using a mini guillotine (It was cute but creepy), have their brains sliced into thin tissue layers to be examined, and are startled to measure the negative emotions eg fear, anxiety etc. Unfortunately, we could not see all those happen in front of us.

Boy, we do owe it to the rats that were tortured in the labs for us in terms of the understanding of effects of drug addictions, and chemical intake. It was a cool experience touring the lab and asking questions to the researchers.

On a more personal level, my confidence in asking questions has definitely increased. I no longer think that my questions are going to be stupid. Even in the TRiCAM lab meetings I began to question the ideas presented in books and articles as well as the professor. Muy bien!

As for exams, I'm glad I passed my Econ exam which I thought I would fail horribly. I am finally over with my exams this week. Counseling Psychology's test this afternoon was quite easy but still I am worried about the MCQ tricks.

Now, I am deciding on topics to talk about my country for this Friday's presentation. Hmm....I'll leave that for tomorrow morning. Nightie....

Thoughts on Affirmative Action in M'sia

I tried sleeping but I couldn't. So, here I am, blogging, the night before my Counseling Psychology midterm. Today went by quickly, mostly because I was always on the rush. I woke up to do my IO Psych assignment, went to classes, went to the housing fair, came back to finish assignment and studied a bit, did yoga, rushed through dinner, came back, and studied again.

Oh the regrets for not managing my time better the past couple of days. Time time time. ...

On the bright side, I found a couple of cheap off-campus housings. So, that's good news.

The most prominent and valuable thing I learned today is further information on affirmative action and how it impacts me personally. Initially, I never bothered about this topic. But, after attending the leadership privilege workshop and also after stumbling upon M'sia's New Economic Plan (Dasar Economi Baru), which is one of the longest and developed affirmative action (AA) which basically contributes to the Malay/Chinese tension in Malaysia while I was browsing through Wikipedia's page on AA , I was just awestruck by the fact that this is one of the personal unresolved conflicts that I have with my country. Long story....

I realized that I dislike the idea of having racism being taught in my Freshmen Writing class as I thought it propels racism more but after going deeper into the topic, I began to acknowledge the importance of understanding how it forms and how it affects us so subtly without us realizing that.

Anyway, back to the AA in M'sia. As a solution to dissolve racial tension after the 1969 racial riot, our first Prime Minister ordered the development of NEP to give more opportunity to the Malays and Bumiputras so that they could rise and be on par with the Chinese in terms of dominance in the business fields. Despite the good intentions and effectiveness back in the days to reduce segregation of races based on jobs, time has changed and I as well as others believe this policy should be revised as it benefits none - there exists inequality in opportunity irrespective of qualifications, upsetting the Chinese and Indians, and complacency is cultivated among the Malays and Bumiputras.

This struggle I have on this issue has always been with me and I did not realize that I wanted to put that aside and move on, ignoring the "petty" problems back in my country. It was not till last Sunday when I talked to a Japanese guy who studied abroad in M'sia that i realized this problem.

Why does this affect me personally? It is because I have grown to hate my country primarily because of this reason. And, despite the deliberate teachings that we should not be racist by teachers and families, we were indirectly brought up to be racists through their constant complaints about how the other races benefit from AA and frequent associations of certain traits to certain races. Besides, I have lots of Malay friends and I feel guilty now of my actions as while befriending them, I treated and respected them as individuals but at the same time, I held stereotypes that typecasts the entire race. I was two faced without being conscious about it. Thus, instead of being ignorant, I should be aware and acknowledge my feelings and then take the best actions from here onwards (I'm still working on them).

It was funny how I imagined myself writing a book addressing this issue and I became a bestseller and I gave talks all over M'sia. I thought about ways to go about solving this problems and yatayatayata.....

$weet $mell of $$$$$...

Boy, Econ Midterm was tough today. I am just counting on passing the paper. I am not even sure if I could do that. *Sigh* What a way to kickstart my day.


Nevertheless, there is nothing more delightful than the smell of money. =D Right after class and lunch, I went for my REP study which I found very interesting. I had to talk for ten minutes on skype with someone whom I have not met before. It was fun. I promised them I will not disclose a lot of information so this is where I will stop. I was given 10 bucks in cash just for being there for less than an hour.

Speaking of money, I worked two hours today (5.30-7.30pm) as someone finally signed up on my slot - my first test subject in this semester. I am so happy. The gift I bought for JS finally arrived at his place to. Apparently it was late because it went through custom clearance.

I can barely open my eyes now. ZZZZZZzzzzzzz.......Nitez...

All you need is a reflection

Feel the breeze and the calmness....

It's been 10 days since I last blog and I feel like I haven't blogged for a long time. I regret not blogging as it has been a means for me to reflect on my life on a day-to-day basis and keeping me in tune with myself. Now I'm a little off and that means I am NOT IN TUNE WITH THE UNIVERSE!

Another week went by quickly and it has been a tremendously "interesting" week. With the lessons on differences, sensitivity, stress-control, and just hormones, I am just overwhelmed and tired and all drained.

Thus, I would like to take this opportunity to just briefly reflect on the positive aspects of what has happened the past week and today.

1. I learned that being open to differences really open the door to diversity among my friends. This scared me when I was just awestruck by this reality after an event but after that "phase", I feel blessed. It's okay to be different from your peers and it's ok to pursue what you like. There is no need to feel ostracized or weird for liking what you like. It is important for me to stay true and firm to myself. (Something we all have known since forever but it is important to always remember that)
2. I learned that I should be aware of how I could sometimes fall prey to judgments and criticisms of others on my carelessness and mistakes. Thankfully, I just waited and watched my pain, anger, regret, and frustration; before I knew it, they just dissolved away, and the world seemed fine again. It's important to stay focus and be strong. I should forgive, let go the past, release the future, and stay in the present. Breathe and sense the NOW. In the now, everything is still and problems do not exist.
3. I was inspired to play piano again and this time I must "unlearned the learned" (-Yoda, Star Wars-) in order to compose my own music. I should forget structure and follow my heart (Thanks Vinod!)
4. I learned about the privileges that comes to me with my race, gender, sexual orientation, and role as a leader in the Personal Privilege Leadership workshop that I have to attend for WWL program. My eyes were open to why racism, discrimination and prejudice are felt even though people do not deliberately discriminate against others.
5. I am quite prepared for exams this week. All I need to do is to revise my Econ again tomorrow morning and I'm good to go.

Wow, it is liberating to channel my feelings and thoughts and focus them in the positive direction through my writing. I started off feeling like I can barely hold my tears anymore; but now, I am ready to embark on a brand new day tomorrow. It's going to be a lovely day! Muacks everyone! I love you all! Have a pleasant day!