Yesterday evening I asked my dad to give me another round of driving lesson with the stupid old manual Proton Saga. After we dropped our grandpa back home, I moved to the driver’s seat and drove back. Between focusing on shifting gear to figuring out where to go to changing lanes to getting around the roundabout to remembering to stay on the left, I was yelled constantly by my dad and my mind was just all over the place. I got off the car just stunned. I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t feel angry or upset but my dad kept saying I’m upset and angry so it made me mad. I just went upstairs and sat on the floor and cried, feeling like a loser and that I sucked at driving. I know that there are a lot of people who aren’t that great drivers but I just don’t want to give up and give in. I refused to be a lousy driver. I wanna be a good driver. But that’s really my ego talking – not wanting to lose. After contemplating, I realize that my two greatest weaknesses of not having a good sense of direction and being anxious easily made driving a lot harder for me. I wonder if sense of direction can be taught. I know anxiety can be managed as I’ve learned to manage my anxiety better over the years with meditation, yoga, and other relaxation techniques. My driving in the
Monday, June 7, 2010
Frustrations over driving
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3 comments:
Hey darling,
You sound so emotional in your last 2 postings. Have patience and your problems will become less stressful with time! Try not to compare yourself to the American or Malaysian standards, people nowadays are exposed to the "outside world" so much, I don't think its fair to think in terms of such standards. Whatever happens, you're a unique individual :) Smile!!!
Thanks Conniedew! I feel a lot better.
Every good driver was once a loser and sucks at driving. In the presence of your dad, of course you'll feel anxious and the need to be perfect. That's when mistakes happen. Otherwise, I believe you're a good enough driver. Law of attraction. Think and feel that you're a great driver. You'll be one without realizing it.
I am sure your dad didn't mean those harsh words. He loves you and you know it. Its just that men doesn't know how to express their love. They know too well and they are quick in expressing their frustrations and dissatisfaction.
You know what is different about you? You are special. If it was me, I would had yelled back at my dad. What would happen then? There might be millions of good drivers. So what? There are only so few that could act like how you did.
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