More life lessons and reminders

The music entitled "Remiomoren", the soundtrack of the Japanese series, "1 Litre of Tears" is still playing in my head as I am typing this post. I started watching them yesterday and I finally finished all 11 hour-long episodes today. It was so captivating, touching, and tear inducing (if I use it correctly). Most of all, it was based on the real story of a girl who was diagnosed with an incurable disease (I checked on wikipedia and there is still no known cure for this) called Spinocerebella Atrophy, a progressive disease in which one's brain degenerates and the brain isn't able to send the neuronal signals to the motor receptors. It has something to do with the spinal cord and the cerebellum. The symptoms get worse as the disease progresses. First, the person loses the ability to walk and has to use a wheelchair. Next the person loses the ability to speak. Soon, the person will have difficulty swallowing the food he/she eats. The cause is unknown and the worst thing about this disease is that the person's mental ability is completely fine but the person can no longer control his/her body movements.

There are so many life lessons and reminders that I learned while watching the movie:
1. At times, things happen out of will. Your freedom to do a lot of stuffs can be taken away but the freedom to choose your attitude will never be taken away.
Aya, the main character chose to continue to live her life optimistically although she was in great pain. She smiled and ignored the insensitive glances people gave her. She remained strong although she can't do what her friends can do. She pushed hard while in the rehabilitation center. It made me wonder what I would choose to do if I were in her situation.

2. We should appreciate our lives more and don't complain.
There is no reason for us to complain about our difficulties. Aya went through a tremendous deal of hardship. Whatever mini problems that we have are nothing compared to what she had to deal with. It really made me feel guilty for complaining, brooding, and worrying about small stuffs. There is a solution to every problem. There is no point regretting and crying over spilled milk. All we can do is to think of what we can do from that point onwards.

3. We should live life in the present.
As Erving Polster said, "the power is in the present". What he means is that when you dwell on the past mistakes or ruminate and worry too much about what is going to happen in the future, you lose focus on what you can do now. In the beginning Aya didn't accept her condition. She was distraught because she was attached to her ambitions for the future and compare how she was in her past to how she was in her present disabled state. That contributed a lot to her pain. But, when she finally learned to just live her life and accepted how she was at that moment, she became joyful and spread her happiness to the people around her. It's easier said than done but it's certainly worth the shot to be aware of our actions and live that way.

4. Smile always.
There can never be too many "smile always" reminder. So keep smiling and your pain will fade away. =)

1 litre of tears. I think I cried that amount throughout the show too. Hehe.

On a closely related note, Oprah did her thing again when she interviewed some famous people who practiced "The Secret". That reminded me to work on my vision board which I have always thought of doing but never actually got to it. Argh!

Finding peace

anger arises shadowing the love,

pain pierces raising the questions and the doubts,
counts of one to ten then ease them all out,
and bring one back to where one IS.
~yours truly~

Another fine day went by. The rainy weather was nice and cooling although Minnesotans might have hated it.

I got my scholarship essays all checked by the student writing consultant and I know what aspects I should improve on. Thank you Sim and Christina for reading my essay and thanks Sim for the awesome recommendation letter. I can't stop using the word awesome. I can imagine ppl giving me those questioning looks if I keep using them when I go back to M'sia.

I got to apply for more jobs and I finally received replies from some departments irrespective of the outcome. =)

I found a good program to learn Espanyol online on bbc.co.uk. They have pretty good language programs. I am happy that I finally got to start my spanish learning journey. Christina, who went back to Austria after doing a year of exchange here, left me a notepad that she didn't get to use. With her "language luck" in that notepad, I hope to master the language in no time. =D

I was so happy that I got an email from Jean Strommer, the Dean's list students coordinator stating that the Guthrie (a famous theater in Minneapolis) is offering tickets to Dean's list students to watch Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream for two bucks (the normal price is like 46 bucks). But, she then emailed again saying that they were only 17 spots and I requested for it a bit later than the early birds. Hopefully more tickets are offered or sb decided to cancel and give it to me. Hehe..

As I write my blog posts after a long break, it just feels different. I noticed that I do not get as many epiphanies as I used to. I also feel less at peace with myself and I feel that it is reflected in my writings. I don't see any point to keep trying to want to be like how I was. I think all I can do is just relax and stay focus during the day and keep being a learner as well as to be still in moments of uncertainty and ambiguity (as learned in my cross-cultural leadership retreat).

When the water is agitated, we can't see clearly. Look at what we can see when the water is still.

Peace!

WISER study and GrAtiTUDE

Good morning ppl. Oops for not posting for the past two nights. On the first night, I had a headache after filling up WISER's long survey form and last night I was just too lazy.

On Monday, I had a near-faint experience. I must admit it was cool to be able to go through the sensations before passing out, although not too pleasant. Last month, I signed up for a research study called WISER (Women in Steady Exercise Research) which looks to see if exercise plays a role in the prevention of breast cancer. It is a four year study to see how exercise affects one's oxidative stress (supposedly the primary cause of cancer as it causes one's distortion of DNA or sth like that) and estrogen level. As for my part, I am to be assigned into the exercise or non-exercise group and get paid $300 bucks after six months either ways (please put me in the exercise group!) . I will only know which group I will be assigned to after my 2nd clinic test.

Anyway, I had my first clinic test on Monday which includes blood drawing into 7 tubes for 7 different tests and body scanning with the DEXA scan which looks at my body composition (basically fats and muscles). By the end of the blood draw, I started to feel dizzy. Next, I could not hear on my left ear and I could feel it getting worse. The nurse asked me to look away from the needle while she pulled it out from my arm. After she was done she made me lie down on the recline-able (or reclining) chair while she went to get me water. It took her quite a while to get my water. I felt like puking and beads of sweat started to form on my head. I felt hot. I drank some water and continued resting. Slowly, I got better. It all happened so quickly but it was slow enough for me to feel and engage in one sensation at a time. Awesome! That was the highlight of my entire day. I couldn't even remember what else I did on that day. =D

Yesterday, I finally got done with my scholarship application essays, although I still have to shorten the other one. I also spent 4 hours making sushi. What a way for me to spend my precious holiday. It was for my professor and lab coordinators as a way to thank them for helping and guiding me throughout my research experience in the TRiCAM lab. I felt so happy to see them again, ;) which brings me back to the whole gratitude thing. I feel grateful that I get to work with them, and that my friends and family are there (well at heart) with me all the time to watch me grow as a person, and that I was able to live a happy, full, and abundant life till today. There is no reason for me to worry or complain (slapping myself for forgetting my blessings sometimes). Fortunately, there are always friends and strangers who remind me to be grateful and be conscious of my actions once in a while eg. Nurul sent me a greeting e-card that asked me to smile ystd. Perfect timing; In the Oprah show, Randy Pausch was on again and his messages ring true in my mind. Phew...

Maybe I should start writing my blog and name it the gratitude journal. LOL. As they say, there can never be enough to be grateful for!

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful" -Buddha-

Peace!

The Return of Sylvia Sng...LOL

Tell me, why does it feel like it's almost impossible to start writing a blog post again after a long break. It has been two months since my last post. I had to stop posting as I got too busy with my research work. Although I had some free time back then, I never took the initiative to just write something down here so that I don't lose my touch in writing.

Finally, I have made it a point to blog every night this summer. When the fall semester starts, I'll blog at least once a week.

Two academic semesters have gone by but lifelong memories and lessons have been molded and coated with a layer of steel so that they will last for the entire span of my consciousness. Right now, as I am looking at the world map on the wall in front of me and typing at the same time, Africa pops up to me as the continent is nearest to my sight. My eyes are now travelling to Europe and searching for Spain and I am looking at Barcelona, a point at the edge of the yellow blob in which if you scale it by 1.5 cm to 500 km, it becomes a piece of land , south of France. Being showered with worries, uncertainties and doubt, I can sense the fear of not having my plans come to life crawling all over my skin.

Thankfully, with all the wisdom that I picked up from my friends, family, and even strangers on books and television, I can hear that soft but firm voice in my head reminding me of the fact that we can never know for sure things are going to be the way we wish them to be. We will never know, we just have to enjoy the moment and do the best we can do now, and to just watch how life unfolds itself.

Since the midwest games (check facebook for pics my friends), I have been quite "free" and I had the chance to hunt for jobs, apply for scholarships, reorganize my things, set up a to-do list, and to just enjoy being with myself. I managed to submit applications for 5 different jobs. I got one of them and I'm looking forward to hear about the others. I submitted a scholarship application and I'm currently working on another one that is going to be due in a week's time. Sure, there is a list of not-too-interesting chores that I have to do before school starts, but I'm looking forward to finishing them.

Before I pen-off (or type-off) to go to bed early tonight, I would like to end my first blog in a long time with an expression of gratitude to the very being or life itself that bring me to existence, however we want to label it, him or her - God, consciousness, universe, nature etc.

Thank you.