Minnesotan Snow and Malaysian Rain

This is the first time I blog in the morning after my sleep. I usually make it a point to blog before sleep. Ah, oh well, at least I still make it a point to blog. Yesterday, as I was reading the book for Freshmen Writing Class on my bed, I couldn't help but allow myself to be distracted by the whooshing sounds of cold wind. I looked out and up at the sky watching the clouds moving fast to one direction, and I just allowed my body to sink down on the bed.

I just stared and listened to the wind. It was a calming sensation. Just right after that, I thought of the rain in M'sia and how much I miss it. That thought was probably influenced by Keith's post in his blog about rain.

For the past two days I have been noticing a subtle but awkward feeling in me when I hung out with my M'sian friends here. Suddenly, I began questioning myself, "where do I wanna stay after school, to go back to M'sia or to work in the states or elsewhere? " I felt that I grew a lot here and being here have really pushed me to my greatest potential due to the opportunities that are available. At the same time, when I saw the gang of M'sians who stay in University Village hung out together all the time, I felt that I sort of miss that collectivism with close friends. To be honest, I did not miss M'sia a bit until Chinese New Year. Lol. I guess it is this kind of times when family and friends are gathering together for celebrations and you're missing out the bonding and fun that you'll feel homesick.

I just felt that it was nice to always have such close company. Whenever you need someone, they'll be there for you. You will always have people to hang out with. It made me think whether living far from family and friends in the land of opportunities for both goal and growth is a good idea or not?

But then when I thought about it deeply, I remembered that when I was in M'sia, I always admired those who did not have any attachments to a particular group and just go all out mixing with different people all the time. I always wanted to experience that. Since I came to the states, I have stepped out of my comfort zone and mixed with different groups of people without being attached to any particular group. I felt great as I get to learn new things, meet new people, and most importantly, respect differences and not to be judgmental of friends and of others.

This made me realize how important it is to have balance and to be conscious of the feelings experienced at all time. Being unattached to a group is good but at the same time, it's good to have close friends. It all comes down to having a balance. While staring at the sky, tears just streamed down my cheeks although I did not feel any sadness or pain. I just felt grateful to my parents for providing me with the opportunity to come here, God, the universe, Law of Attraction, and just everyone who has directly and indirectly motivated and inspired me to choose to come here and be who I am today.

How does this all tie together - the question of whether I should work here or go back, the feeling of estrangement, missing collectivism, group attachment, thought about balance, and gratitude? Well, they were fragments of thoughts that I was conscious of. As for the question, I would just let it be and see how it goes. Only time will tell.