To Jump or to Fly?

Ever had the feeling of being lifted up high and then kicked off from the top of a 10-story building but still alive to feel the pain...That's what I am feeling right now. I feel so frustrated and upset as I am typing this blog. Regretful of the time wasted, regretful of the over ambition and just ARGH.....

It all started yesterday when I was doing my daily routine making some cash on the computer through you know what. Then I stumbled upon this website "berichwithintegrity.com". By leaving your email and number, I will get some e-course program to learn the steps of bla bla bla..(I'm sorry but I don't have the heart to write that out) for free. I couldn't care less, I thought since it's free so I would just sign up for it.

So this lady who hosted the web called me and asked me whether I was serious about her prog. I was just bemused that she even called me. Of course not. I didn't know much about the website so I explained to her how I stumbled upon it. She asked me whether I was really interested in making more than what I am making so I said yes with skepticism in what she was doing. And so she went on telling me a little bit about the program and asked me to listen to a teleseminar that would be held at 8pm and let her know if I was interested or to just leave a message telling her I wasn't. It was nice talking to her. She seemed very genuine in helping people. It's either that or she is just good at conning people. Nevertheless, I was pretty uplifted just imagining that I could possibly end my parents burden of having to pay my tuition fee and to maybe make lots of money at such young age, achieving all my dreams and just feel great about the whole thing.

And so, staying cool, I listened to the teleseminar about the direct sales and it seemed pretty interesting and perhaps that was my attraction and higher calling to be financially free. So, I went and look through the website and I was quite interested in the business. I was completely aware of it being a business and that effort and some monetary investment is needed to sustain the business. I was pretty serious about it but since I am pretty inexperienced in it, I contacted my dad to seek for opinion and advice.

Apparently, he had seen this website before and he said it is just another direct sales thing which would require me to invest $200 a month for ads and calls but surely with lots of effort, I would make lots more to cover that. So, as I have sort of expected but yet got disappointed, he totally advised me against it. Well, I argued that all businesses need a bit of investment and that we should be more positive about the outcomes. How about short term hard work for long term gratification? It went on and on...yatayatayata....and I lost!

He advised me to focus on my studies, and if I want to earn money, do it while I'm gaining good experience that can contribute to my grad applications and job requirements or just work hard in UDS or sth, or something that does not require me to invest money. Although he is right, my flared ego and pride as well as high hopes were tossed and burned. Thus, I was angry. I felt frustrated over the fact that I haven't found any internship and the professor is taking too long to reply me. I am stressed out that I have so many essays to write for my scholarship application. I regret that I have wasted my time on Liberty League thingy instead of using it for all the other stuffs. My ambition of getting financial abundance in a young age was crushed, hopefully for today only. I felt horrible!!!!

But somehow at this point of writing, I feel better now that I have ranted the frustrations out here. Of course, for every cloud there's a silver lining, and there are two sides on a coin. Now that my head is less cloudy, I can say that I have certainly learned that I must prioritize well and don't get over ambitious about money. I don't have $200 to invest a month. So, perhaps when I get tired of working then I go for some stuffs like that. I am better off focusing on something that will hone my academic skills while generating me money like write essays for scholarships. I also learned not to fall for internet ads so easily although I still believe that the company has a good plan; it is just that they make it sound so simple. Maybe it is, maybe it is not. For now, I shall let it go and be free to focus on my psychology goals.