Frustrations over driving

Yesterday evening I asked my dad to give me another round of driving lesson with the stupid old manual Proton Saga. After we dropped our grandpa back home, I moved to the driver’s seat and drove back. Between focusing on shifting gear to figuring out where to go to changing lanes to getting around the roundabout to remembering to stay on the left, I was yelled constantly by my dad and my mind was just all over the place. I got off the car just stunned. I didn’t know how to react, I didn’t feel angry or upset but my dad kept saying I’m upset and angry so it made me mad. I just went upstairs and sat on the floor and cried, feeling like a loser and that I sucked at driving. I know that there are a lot of people who aren’t that great drivers but I just don’t want to give up and give in. I refused to be a lousy driver. I wanna be a good driver. But that’s really my ego talking – not wanting to lose. After contemplating, I realize that my two greatest weaknesses of not having a good sense of direction and being anxious easily made driving a lot harder for me. I wonder if sense of direction can be taught. I know anxiety can be managed as I’ve learned to manage my anxiety better over the years with meditation, yoga, and other relaxation techniques. My driving in the US improved with practice. Hopefully it’s the same with manual car. I just need to gain some confidence in driving. Curses! I’m gonna keep on trying.

Visit to Kapit, my dad's hometown

My family and I went to Kapit for the past few days to visit relatives and visit my grandma’s grave. It has been 5 years since I last went there and so we thought I should visit my dad’s hometown. From Kuching to Sibu, my dad, bro and I took the helicopter while my mum and sis followed my aunt and uncle in their car. It wasn’t my first time on the helicopter but it was my first time traveling from one city to another on one. It was fun. It was scary though with the thought that we were only buckled with waist seatbelts and we were sitting next to the doors. The view was great; it was so green. Looking down at the lust and dense rainforest, I wondered how one would be able to get out if one got lost in there. I started figuring out escape plans – checking out which direction I should head to in case we were stuck in the forest. Hilariously, when I talked to my brother about it, he said he was thinking the exact same thing. LOL.

When we arrived in Sibu, we took the express boat along the Rajang River to Kapit. Kapit downtown looked a lot more developed to me, with more buildings that were constructed. However, it still smelled and looked as dirty as before. Litter was everywhere and the roadside reeked of sourly stench which resulted from the litter. All of a sudden I became overly wary of hygiene. I went into my uncle’s coffee shop and I was appalled when I saw the toilet as the door was open. We went upstairs to the house to drop our luggage into my grandpa’s room where we would be staying and saw how dirty the toilet and the sink was. Ants were crawling all over the wall and dressing table. There was no toilet seat and it couldn’t flush properly. OMG. I am such a city person. And here I thought I had grown tough after being abroad (probably tougher in some areas and more spoilt in others). Of course, the toilet and shower in my aunt’s and uncle’s master bedroom worked perfectly but I didn’t get to use it till the last day.

Once we dropped our things, my aunt and uncle brought us to meet with some other relatives in their convenient store and brought us to have mid-afternoon snack. Everyone spoke so loudly and enthusiastically about things, sometimes it seemed like they were arguing. I was so soft-spoken and lady like there. Nice change. They had a different Hokkien accent there and so pure, almost uninfluenced by English. Sometimes I had difficulty understanding them. I did my best to speak Hokkien without using any English terms. The Chinese there also speak Iban, since Kapit is primarily settled by the Ibans.

I ate and ate so much in Kapit. There wasn’t much to do there but eat. My pants are so tight now. My mum is happy but I’m not. All the hard work to burn the fat has gone to waste. Sad. My dad brought us around in my uncle’s car and I was awed by the extreme greenery. Wow, this place is so untouched by mankind. My mum and sis arrived in Kapit the next day and we visited my dad’s sis in her home and helped her make kaya (coconut egg jam) and cake. Well, my sister did most of the job while I used the internet and watched TV. In the afternoon, my cousin took me on a motorcycle ride around the area. Only then, I got to fully appreciate Kapit’s beauty. The fresh air, the greens...it was great. I didn’t get to fully appreciate the beauty while being enclosed in the car.

The next day, we went to visit my grandma at her grave. I was not here for her funeral as I was still in the US. I was not very close to my grandma as some of my cousins are so I was not very sad when she passed away. However, when I saw her grave and when my mum asked me to say something and pray for my grandma, I started crying. My sister teared a bit too. My grandma is gone and seeing her grave was a blow of reality in my face and that brought tears to my eyes. We went into the car and I calmed down. My family didn’t speak a word about it. May my grandma rest in peace.

More readjustment problems arose when I told my dad one morning about my dilemma about moving to Boston. We ended up arguing and he yelled at me for not listening to his suggestions. Him asking if I was listening to myself talk was all it took to shut me up. My pride and ego were bashed and I was upset. I did my best to breathe in and out and reflect on the problem. I tried to stay as calm and collected as possible. The feeling of inadequacy arose. I felt like I was back to being the old me – being all defensive when people try to make fun or question the areas in my life that I am struggling with (e.g. driving), behaving all princessy (too wary of cleanliness and hygiene), eating slower than others and being pressured to eat faster. My self-esteem was somewhat hurt. I thought I grew beyond that – having gone overseas, living independently, dealing with problems calmly and reasonably – and bang! It hit me that success and accomplishments in certain areas of my life do not make everything else better. I learned to be more compassionate and dealt problems a lot better with others but not with my own parents. Curses! I gained a lot of confidence after being abroad as my accomplishments there were acknowledged by many and I was almost never criticized for my weaknesses while I was there. Being back here, everything just switched around. Also, in America, by American standard, I’m pretty adventurous, tough, not picky etc. That boosted my confidence. I forgot that I performed below Malaysian standard in that area.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for my awareness and for the ability to write and reflect. It’s my coping strategy here. I guess that’s the best I can do – just being aware of my feelings, accepting them as they are, taking the experience as a learning experience, being grateful for the experience, and working on areas that I can work on.

Home Sweet Home, Kuching!

Sweat! and more sweat! That's all I can say about my initial re-entry experience back into my home culture. Nothing in my cultural, cross-cultural, and psychological trainings and preparations could have prepared me for this physiological discomfort. I felt like I was in the U's rec center's steamroom breathing in the warm air that is moisture-filled the first few days I was here. I had to shower so many times a day to bring my body's temperature to a bearable level. My record was 4 showers in a day.

I arrived in Changi airport at 1 am after a 21 hour flight from LAX and was greeted by my favorite aunt and cousin with her kid and her sister's kid. I was thrilled to see them although I can't really feel the excitement or even show it to them due to my excessive exhaustion. But, I was glad to have arrived safely in Singapore. My cousin drove me to their house to sleep before sending me to the airport again the next day to take my flight back to Kuching. As expected I couldn't fall asleep due to jet lag and all I could think about was nothing. Things felt as familiar as before. I was too tired still. My cousin bought u char kueh, tau hu hua, chui kueh, and chai tau kueh for breakfast and I was so happy to see them but I didn't feel that great after eating them. Sigh, jet lag.

My cousin sent me off at the airport in the afternoon. When I entered the gate waiting area, I could hear people speaking hokkien, iban and bahasa sarawak. How "homely". I noted their appearances too - very down-to-earth. Wow, I was really going home. To add to the "homeliness", the airplane attendants were not as friendly and cheerful (they looked like they hated their jobs) as the ones in SIA and they all spoke in Malaysian accent. Moreover, when I found my seat, a guy was sitting in my window seat. It's quite Malaysian I guess for somebody to do things even though he know it's not nice unless he is told off. I asked him nicely to return my seat and luckily he did it without any obvious contempt towards me. I ended up having a pretty descent conversation with him and his son during my flight back. I also caught myself off-guard with my American accent when I asked for waDer instead of waTer from the air stewardess and had her going "What?". Oops..

I kept looking at my watch, excited and apprehensive about arriving. I looked out the window and enjoyed the aerial view of Sarawak. It was a lot more mountainous and forest-dense in my mind. My heart pounded heavily when I arrived. I was so happy to see my parents. My mum was appalled by how skinny I got though. LOL. I gave them both a hug and they drove me home. My house seems a lot smaller but everything is the same. Nice! I didn't do much that night except unpacked, had home cooked dinner (which I couldn't fully enjoy), watched tv and slept.

The next morning, I woke up early and had breakfast at home since my parents hadn't taken leave. I reacquainted myself to my old kitchen, turned on the radio, and sat down at the dinner table while eating biscuits and drinking milo. I looked out at the papaya tree behind my house and watched the cats sunbathe at my backyard, and suddenly, my eyes began to teared. It was a small moment of bliss and gratitude for being home. The immediate perspiration after stepping out of an air-conditioned room, the old newspaper collectors yelling through the speaker of their van, and the 'put-put' sound of the van that sells bread...boy it felt so good to be home. I was also happy to have met up with my friends and caught up on each others' lives. I also visited my high school and my choir teacher. The trip was reminiscent of my old days in high school.

Of course, there were some reverse culture shocks. Other than the heat, my family looked so different - my parents looked different and my siblings and cousins are so big and tall. Everything is smaller - shopping aisles and carts, cars, roads, food portions. The cars are driving on the left side of the road and the signs look different. I also forgot how to coexist with my family under one roof after being used to living alone with so much freedom. I couldn't take it when my mum reminded me to do every single little things at home, controlled my diet (nagged me on what to eat and what not to eat as I am still recovering from my appendectomy), and yelled at me when I played basketball with my siblings. She meant well as she was looking out for me but I felt caged and trapped. LOL. It's better now that I'm almost used to it. I also almost got into an argument with my family about microwave use. They didn't believe that one could just put food in a ceramic bowl/plate and place it into the microwave. They insisted on using the tupperware microwave container. My mum irked me when she said something about me picking up crap from the US. It was at that moment that I realized I was imposing my newly acquired knowledge and values on them. Things have been the way they were before I came back, why should they change just because I'm back with some new knowledge and values. *sighs* I should take it easy and not come forth too strong. Also, when I met up with my relatives, I expected that they would be very happy to see me but they seemed quite aloof and just briefly greeted me. I guess I wasn't close to them before, so why would I suddenly be close to them now. I expected things to have changed drastically over 3 years but I suppose some things don't change. I guess absence makes one's memory rosier. All these less than pleasant experiences made me feel like I never left home.

I had some interesting observations when I bumped into my cousin who is an assistant minister in Sarawak. I thought he was a humble, low-profile lad as my parents and I caught him sitting alone having lunch in a fishball noodle shop. He asked me what I was studying and if I planned to return to Sarawak. I said I wasn't sure and he encouraged me to come back. That got me thinking about if I should stick with what I like and stay abroad or be selfless and come back to serve those who could use my skills most. *sighs*

My uncle, Kuching's mayor, who was eating in another coffee shop with a convoy of people, saw my cousin's car passed and asked him to join him in the other coffee shop. We walked with him to that shop after we were done eating and joined them in their conversation. Wow, it was so funny how big shots socialize and how the other commoners tried to follow the protocol and butter them up. That aside, the thing that popped up in my mind while I was with them was that if I were to come back here one day to help with the autism center or with the research development in this country, I would have to socialize with politicians to gain access to funding from the government and stuffs. Hmm...I just hope that it won't be so pretentious and that there would be a lot of new young leaders who would understand the importance of research and education and things of that sort. We'll see.

In summary, I learned that "One's destination is not a place but a new way of seeing things", as said by Henry Miller. It's a good thing that I had my past cross-cultural experiences to help me adjust and adapt quickly. Before I came back, I thought 2 months was a short time to be back here. Now I think otherwise. I guess I haven't filled my time enough. It's a good thing July is traveling month for me. I did something interesting today; I had a driving lesson with my dad today in the manual car with very very low steering power. I totally forgot how to drive a stick. Fun times..

El Camino de Santiago

Day 0: 3.22pm, 30Apr09 Right now I’m just chillin’ on the beach, enjoying my 3rd to last day here in Barcelona. At exactly 8pm tonight, I will be leaving to Villafranca del Bierzo on the bus and start walking as soon as we arrive tomorrow at 8.30am-ish.
I don’t know how I feel about the Camino. I’m still kind of bumped about having to leave Barcelona and saying good bye to the ppl I met here. It has been so much fun and I have gained so much life-enriching experience – from understanding the Spanish culture and comparing it to Malaysian and American culture to learning how to remain calm although I am afraid to just jump into the water to befriending and learning with people from all sorts of backgrounds.
It’s time to move on I guess – another phase in life as peple say it. Thank God for all the wonderful and lesson-filled experiences I have had in Barcelona and the rest of Europe.

Let the camino begin…

with the gang: Julia, Missy, and Nicolette

Day 1: Villafrance del Bierzo – Cebreiro (28km), 8.15pm, 01May09 After a 12-hour ride, we got off the bus and started walking. It was so cold in the moring that I changed into my sports pants. We started walking on the paved/tarred sidewalks next to the roads. It was exciting..We bumped into some pilgrims while walking and wished each other “Buen Camino!” It must be one of those pilgrim thing. Whatever, I thought it was cool. Some were carrying huge backpacks but others were only carrying extremely small backpacks, smaller than the standard carry-on backpacks.
It was quite calming, walking with nature everywhere around us – we walked along some rivers, over the hills (more about that in a bit), saw lots of animals etc. While I was walking, I did my best to coordinate my breaths and steps so that I wouldn’t get tired so fast and I tried to be as mindful as I could. Once in a while, I felt like taking a break when I could still push on. Luckily I was not there on my own. Watching the others holding up motivated me to keep on pushing, especially when we were walking uphill on unpaved roads with rocks everywhere. We hiked from the bottom of the hill and made it all the way up to the top, went downhill a little and uphill again. We started off in Castil-Leon and we are now in Galicia.
When I was walking, I would remind myself to look up once in a while and enjoy the view when I caught myself just looking at the ground and focusing on my walk. The scenery was so picturesque.
Missy, Julia, Nicolette and I got along pretty well. I’m glad I’m on this trip with them. We played cards after diner. Oh ya, I had two mini 0.74oz or 21g snack bars and an apple tart for breakfast, a bocadillo con atun y cebolla (tuna and onion baguette sandwich) which tasted so good for lunch, and a banna, an orange and a palmera for dinner.
We walked from 8am to 5.30pm with 1.5 hours of breaks in between today. We could have gone on but we decided no to cos’ Cebreiro looks like a cool town in Galicia (they speak Gallego here and Galicia has lots of Celtic influences) and we don’t want ot end up in one of those small albergues (accommodation eg hostels) along the way. Btw, we walked through many villages and they looked ancient and underdeveloped. Most of the villagers are farmers or restaurant/hostel managers.
When we got to the hostel, I was surprised by how modern and clean it is. It is packed though. One room has 24 beds and the shower rooms have no doors.
As far as spiritual experience go, I am not too sure what to say about it. I don’t know what I am looking for but we’ll see..
There are so many people from all over the world here. I’m so excited. Everyone’s so nice to each other too.

Day 2: Cebreiro – Calvor de Sarria (36km), 9.05pm, 02May09 It’s day 2.. wow, we made it through the second day! 36km!!! 8km further than we did yesterday. We were just going to stop at Triacastella but we arrived at our 24km stop at 1.00pm after walking since 8.00am. We stopped for lunch by the roadside with our packed lunch. I had tuna sandwich. My orange and bananas that I bought last night were squished by my bag when I sat down with it without realizing my fruits were in the plastic bag hanging on the back of my bag. There went my cheap and healthy lunch.
During our walk, I felt some pain on my right shin while walking and Missy told me I have a shin splint. She helped me do a shin stretch and I popped in an Ibuprofen.
We decided to proceed to Samos (10km from Triacastella) to visit a famous monastery and listen to the Gregorian Choir sing but we took the wrong route which led us directly to Sarria. We found that out from a farmer. Sad but good ‘cos we’ll arrive in Santiago de Compostela earlier.
I’m so tired today. I was a bit snappy at times. We found an albergue in Calvor de Sarria so we decided to stay here and here we are. Thank God it was another beautiful day today and that I can still walk fine despite my pain.

Day 3: Calvor de Sarria – Portomarin (27.5km), 9.00pm, 03May09 Shin Splint!!! Ouch!!! Swollen muscle on the front of my leg above my feet. I was limping all the way…
Earlier in the day when we reached Sarria, we bumped into this group of people from Barcelona. It was so cool. They took a picture for us and we took one for them. I ended up chatting with one who showed great interest in meditation and living in the now. He is a Catholic but he said his life experience has shown him that consciousness is the key to happiness and it had led him to learn more about Eastern spiritual practices. I don’t know how we got into that conversation but I felt great talking to him. He asked me about Deepak Chopra but I said I only know that he is an Indian spiritual guru.
After a while, we moved on our own ways and that’s when my shin turned red and it hurt a lot. I began limping. A lady saw me limping and asked me if I needed a plaster, medicine or something but I told her I already took an Ibuprofen and it was only a muscle pain. Later, she gave me pills stronger than Ibuprofen. How nice of her. She turned out to be a pharmacist in Sabadell and the wife of Alfonso, the guy whom I was talking to earlier. She also has a son who is going to compete in a hockey competition in M’sia. I recommended some places in M’sia for her to visit. Her medicine helped me quite a lot but I still limped all the way to Portomarin.
However, what was nice about limping all the way was that I was walking so slowly and not rushing such that I was able to suck in whatever nature has to offer – the sound of running streams and the trees being blown by the wind, the tactile sensation from the cool breeze and scorching sun, the view of the beautiful greens and colorful flowers, and the smell of mountain fresh air. It was awesome.
Talking ot the girls was fun too. We talked about guys, bfs, and stories from books etc. It took us longer than we would to reach Portomarin because of my legs but we still manage to walk 27.5km in 9.5 hours. We arrived here at 5.30pm. This place is so gorgeous. It’s by a river which looks like a lake. For dinner, we made pasta with tomato sauce and lentils. It was gross but we were too hungry to care. Thank God for the nice weather again and the moments of peace and awareness. =).
I hope tomorrow will be another great day!

Day 4: Portomarin – Palas de Rei (27km), 8.30pm, 04May09 Today we arrived rather early, at 3.30pm. I was surprised as I was limping all the way throughout the second half of our walk today. My shin is better now but it still hurts. Worse, I put more pressure on my left leg now since my right leg is not well causing my left calf to hurt and a blister to form. Oh well, you can’t finish the camino without some physical test.
Here’s where I’m going to say that every cloud has a silver lining. When I slowed down and was left behind, I noticed that I felt lonely and uncared for. The three of them continued walking 200 meters ahead of me while I staggered my way along the camino. I kept thinking about how selfish their actions were and that it would have been much condemned by my parents and friends back home if they were to find out about that. But seriously, they were talking while they were walking and they probably thought that I was fine. They slowed down for me to catch up when they realized that I was far behind. I would probably have done the same if I were them. Negative thoughts perpetuated in my head for quite some time and it distracted me from being in the present and enjoying nature. Once I realized that, I brought myself back by focusing on my breath and also my walk. This experience taught me some compassion. If the same thing were to happen to another person, I would slow down and accompany the person. After all, what’s the point rushing? We would still have to wait for the person to get to the end point and how could we live with the guilt of leaving the person behind?
The weather was perfect again. It was a little chilly but the sky was clear and the trail was pretty much flat. We’ve gone through the two toughest day on the 1st and 2nd days. Thank God the medicine that Alfonso’s wife gave me eased my shin pain and allowed me to power walk for a bit.
Sometimes, I caught up to our camino buddy, Christian from Germany whom we met last night and had some conversation exchanges. He told me the nice places to visit in Germany e.g. Cologne by the Rhine River, Munichand other places in Bavaria, and Berlin. He thinks Hamburg is the nicest city in Germany. I’m glad I’ll be going there.
At times, I caught myself thinking about Jin Sheng. I just let those thoughts pass and I chose to not dwell on them. I don’t wanna miss him while I am on the camino.
The most pleasant things that happened during today’s walk are the rests. We just sat and enjoyed the great scenery and the breeze while having our lunch etc. It was so pleasant. I was still unwilling to sit on the grass but I was getting better at letting go of my germ/insect fear.
Since we arrived so early at our aimed destination, we power-napped and later had dinner at the plaza. Sweet corn + tuna + yogurt + choc milk + twix. Later we played cards.
One more thing. We met Christian again. He told us that at first his solo travel on this camino was nice but he became a bit lonely as the days went by. The others think its best to travel in group. I agreed to a certain extent but I think it is a wonderful opportunity to reflect on one’s experiences and to learn to be self-sufficient.
Thank God for another marvelous and enriching day on the camino. =)

Day 5: Palas de Rei – Arzua (30km), 9.30pm, 05May09 Unbelievable! We got through 30km in 7.5 hours. My shin is feeling a lot better and I was able to speed up. This morning, I suggested that we used this camino to let go, forgive and free ourselves from grudges. We all talked about one person we disliked most and chose to let go our grudge against them by the end of today’s walk.
I chose to let go of my grudge against one of my ex-roommates, a peer whom I met when I first go here, my aunts and uncles who incessantly criticized almost everything I do as I grow up, and my own actions that I have regretted.. Every single step I took meant that I understood why I came to hate them, and that I was letting them go.. Breathing in my suffering and theirs and breathing out compassion to them and myself. It was a pleasant walk.
We also met a new friend today, Ryan from Texas working in Bologna. He shared his experience as a traveler and told us that he has a degree in aerospace engineering but gave that up to go to culinary school. Wow…he said he had to answer life’s calling.
I’m grateful for the great experience I had today and for another gorgeous day! =)

Day 6: Arzua – Monte de Gozo (33km), 10.00pm, 06May09 We don’t know why but we pushed our walk to 33km instead of the planned 19km. Because we took such long breaks, we got to the hostel in Monte de Gozo at 7.00pm. We were dead tired by then. We went to a cafeteria and I ordered a hamburger and 2 ice creams. I added tuna and corn in my hamburger and it tasted so good although the others thought I was just saying that to justify my odd actions.
My shin didn’t hurt anymore. Hoorah! Today, we went over thing s that we were/are grateful for and just be thankful for them.
1. I’m grateful for my health.
2. I’m grateful for my body and all its parts – eyes, nose, ears, hair, face, shin, legs, genitals, arms, hands, internal organs etc.
3. I’m grateful that the weather has been great for this trip.
4. I’m grateful that I’m with these 3 wonderful friends whom I came to know in this trip.
5. I’m grateful for all my friends that I have.
6. I’m grateful that my family is there to support me all the time.
7. I’m grateful that JS is always there for me and that he is healthy and safe.
8. I’m grateful that I get to study in the US, Bcn, and to be able to travel all over Europe.
9. I’m grateful for all the nice pilgrims we met and shared experiences with.
10. I’m grateful for the breeze that cooled us down in the midst of the smoldering heat of the sun.
11. I’m grateful to be able to wake up and breathe and be alive.
12. I’m grateful that my shin is better and it did not stop/stall us from getting to the places we wanna reach each day.
13. Thank God I’m me! I love my life!

Day 7: Monte de Gozo – Santiago de Compostela (5km), 9.00am (Day 8), 08May09 Yay! We made it! Woohoohoo..Hoorah…I feel so good but I must say, we were much more excited on Day 6 when we thought that we were going to arrive in Santiago after 2.5 more km of walk. That farmer guy lied to us. LOL. Nicolette and I were quite excited but Missy and Julia were to tired to be excited.

in front of the Cathedral of Santiago

While waiting for the 12pm mass, we walked around in search for a cafeteria and we bumped into Christian, the Korean guy, and some other camino friends that we have met along the way. It was fun. Nicolette and I shared a tarta de Santiago and I had the best churros con chocolate I have ever had. They were better than the ones in Madrid. It could also be that I was hungry.
Later, we attended the mass which was conducted in Spanish, Latin and a bit of German. The nun was very good in singing. I didn’t really get anything out of the mass because I didn’t really understand what they were saying but when we hugged each other after the mass ended, I cried a little. I felt so blessed….overjoyed that we did it.
After that, we went to our hostel and had our picnic lunch. At 7pm, we met up with Christian and some of the other pilgrims to have a celebratory dinner together. We only had wine as we were still full from lunch. We ended up leaving earlier because Missy and Julia wanted to have pulpas. Nicolette and I wandered around and went into a souvenir store and chatted with the shopkeeper for quite a while. There was an Austrian man there too. We talked about American politics, M’sia and the pilgrimage. After we left, we linked arms and danced with some other pilgrims to the music played by a street performer. It was spontaneous and fun. The fun didn’t end with that. We saw a group of cute guys in a bar and decided to get a drink there (Nicolette’s idea). We ordered Martinis and they gave us free tapas. When we sat down, the guys left. Sad… but it was fun. We wanted to get another drink but then we decided to look for another bar. We couldn’t find any nice ones but we stopped in a Kebab shop and got fries. We wanted wine and we ordered but the nice owner from New Delhi treated us the wine. It was nice. We talked a little bit while we ate. Because he was nice and because we were still hungry, we ordered a durum falafel. Yummy…
The four of us danced our way back to the hostel and had a good night sleep. =)

Day 8: Finisterre or Finisterra (fin de tierra aka the edge of the world) and Day 9: Santiago de Compostela, 1.55am, in Barcelona Airport, 10May09 I couldn’t sleep. Memories of the camino experience kept crawling back into my head…the hostels, food, my shin splint, the enjoyment of being in the present, the physical tests, the rush, the exhaustion…argh…they all felt so great!
Before I reflect more on that, I should write about Finisterre and this morning or yesterday morning.
On day 8, we took a 3-hour bus to Finisterre or Finisterra which derived from the phrase fin de tierra, which means the edge of the world. It used to be the edge of the world when ppl still thought that the world was flat. Myth has it that Columbus pondered there and theorized that the world was not flat but round. It is also the place where the pilgrims should go and burn a personal belonging to mark the end of the camino and the start of a new beginning.
We each found our spot on the rocks and took our sweet time to contemplate. I just sat and enjoyed the breeze and the view. I felt so grateful for the whole journey on the camino and life itself. I’ve been so so lucky in my life.

at the edge of the world

After that, Julia, Missy and I started a fire on one of the rocks and burned Missy’s smelly socks and my itinerary. Nicolette chose to remain somewhere down the hill. What a nice close to our camino. We all hugged and thanked each other.
Today, I mean ystd, we spent our free day in SCQ shopping for souvenirs and stuffs. So many ppl were out. Apparently, they were celebrating fiesta de primavera (spring festival) in San Pedro’s neighborhood. So many hippies with their hippy goods. LOL. So fun!
A lady in our hostel told us that there would be free lunch in the hotel near the cathedral for the 1st 10 pilgrims that queued outside.
It was weird…the Italian guy and his sidekick…the day went on..airport..and now I’m here trying to sleep in the waiting area…tired!

Back HOME??

So long Geneva! I shall see you again, and the next time, I'll ski, skydive, and bungee jump from your mountains.

Cara and I arrived safely and punctually back to Barcelona. I killed the whole afternoon checking and replying email and facebook messages and talking to my parents for 3 hours plus; that's unbelievably long! I had some money-managing advice from my dad especially with the usage of credit card. "Use it wisely and it will be to your advantage!" he said. That addresses the internal conflict I have of "saving money and spending it wisely as I have monetary constraint" vs. "living it all out while you can". While my mom virtually persuaded me to give up plans for spring break, my dad told me to seize my once-in-a-life time opportunity by spending my money wisely and using my credit card to my advantage. I hope everything would work out great!

I am grateful that:
1. my flight landed safely back in Barcelona,
2. my trip to Geneva was amazing!! I love the mountains,
3. I had a chance to revisit my goals and renew them while in Geneva,
4. I had a great travelling buddy who shares almost all the same interests that I have,
5. I got to talked to my parents today,
6. my dinner was delicious and I am able to save some for lunch tomorrow,
7. I got to eat late breakfast and save money on lunch,
8. I received good advices from dad and mom to resolve my worries, and
9. I spoke on the phone with JS and we had a pleasant conversation.

To JS: Feel better! May you be on the road to recovery asap!!!
To Daddy: May financial wealth shower you and all of us all the time!
To Mommy: May calmness hugs and assures you that the flow of water is endless.
To Nienie and Wee Jie: May your schoolwork comes to you as fun, exciting and challenging.
To my friends in Minnesota: May your exams and school work come to you easily and that you all have the calmness and steadiness to take the challenges one at a time.
To all others: May peace, mindfulness, love, and smiles hug us all! =)

If you can go down, you can always go up!!!!

I woke up early as I thought I would despite sleeping at 3.30am this morning. Despite the annoyance by the lack of sleep, I got up and did my homework. I felt nervous, and I kept thinking about the movie, Revolutionary Road that my friends and I watched last night. The movie was great, but probably a bit too thought-provoking and depressing after what just happened on Friday. I was worried that I am gonna run out of money because I just booked two flights Geneva and Dublin for upcoming weekends using my credit card. I was still thinking about what happened on Friday night and feeling sorry about what happened. I think I appeared normal on the outside, I was all clouded on the inside. I began thinking that my rapidly improved Spanish level has gone down when I couldn't really understand things my senora said. I could not quiet my mind especially when I was walking. Off with the downward spiral....

I went to the Picasso Museum today as it has free admissions on the first Sunday of each month. The museum houses artworks of Picasso from the beginning of his artist career to the end. The progression of his work was interesting. We went to the temporary collection first which held the collection of Picasso's later work. Karen and I looked at the paintings, snickered, looked some more at the paintings, and then to each other giving each other the "I don't get it" look. It was weird but interesting.

When I got back, I did some movement and sitting meditation. I felt at peace for a while. Although I still feel a bit stressed out, I do feel better. I'm hoping to get back up the ladder. I thought of the bookmark with the message "Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength" that my friend gave to me and I tried to let go of my worries. it worked a bit. Thanks Chin Wah. I am just grateful that my friend is safe, that I receive a very important life lesson, that I'm safe, that I noticed my downward spiral before it got worst, that I have friends who gave me thoughtful gifts, that I have the opportunity to study abroad and travel while I am here, that my family who continues to support me, that there are friends who still keep in touch with me despite our distance, that I met good and caring friends that share similar interests, and most importantly, that I'm alive and kicking!

Time to spiral my way up! I'm going to bed early today. Tomorrow is going to be a great brand new day!!!

I love everyone!

Madrid for the weekend

The bus ride to Madrid felt like a short one although it was actually 7 hours long. 4 other girls and I took the midnight bus on Friday and arrived on Saturday at 7.30am. We saved a night´s hostel fee by sleeping during the bus ride. We got off the bus and headed to our hostel using the metro. It´s called Cat´s Hostel, a very good hostel that I would recommend to anyone who plans to go to Madrid. At a reasonable price of 18 euros, they allowed us to check-in early, provided us with free breakfast, had comfortable beds, clean bath rooms and a strategic location that allowed us to walk to the main attractions.

Despite being tired, we headed out to Museu del Prado right after breakfast and we spent 3 hours in the museum. By the 2nd and half hour, I was just walking by the paintings and sculptures without bothering to read the descriptions and look at the paintings properly. A person can only take so much art at a time. The Prado held a great amount of art collection that predominantly features Baroque and Renaissance paintings by Italian, German, Flemish, and Spanish painters. Having seen so many paintings at a time, I could now roughly tell what paintings are by which painters in terms of nationalities. Most of the pictures depict biblical figures, chapters, and the sacred family. I could have sworn, there were at least 20 paintings of the sacred family and the nativity, with different influences eg. the flemish paintings have that weird golden glow, looking like needles, that emits from the sacred family etc. The Prado was definitely an interesting change from MNAC in Barcelona which showcases Catalonian and Spanish art. Being here in Spain has cultivated a great sense of appreciation of art in me.

Museu del Prado

Saturn Devouring his Son by Goya

Puerta de Alcala (The Gate of Madrid)

After that we had lunch and went to see the Cibeles fountain, take pictures of the different plazas and fountains and took a long stroll in Parque de Buen Retiro (Retirement/Retreat Park). The park is amazing. It is one of the best parks I have been too. There were fountains and monuments that adorned the park. Most importantly, there was a beautiful lake near the entrance of the park. The day was so sunny and warm. It was perfect for a walk. Later in the afternoon, we walked around in the city center where Puerta del Sol and Plaza Mayor are. We had churros con chocolate caliente in a churros shop called Maestro which claimed to have been in business since 1905. We thought the churros there must be good if the shop has been in business since then, and as we thought, they were delicioso!!!!! OMG...they were so good that I forgot to take pictures of them.

Cibeles fountain

The lake in el Parque de Buen Retiro

Crystal Palace in el Parque de Buen Retiro

Plaza Mayor

We went back to our hostel after that and we took our well deserved siesta. At night,we went out for a paella dinner. It was not bad but a little bit below my expectation. It looked like it would taste very flavorful and delicious but it didn't. Oh well..

Paellas for dinner

We were blessed with a sunny Saturday so we couldn't complain much about rainy Sunday. Fortunately, the major place we wanted to go to was El Palacio Real (The Royal Palace). It was beautiful. We couldn't get an English tour guide so we ended up with audio guides. However, there was a group of Chinese tourists led by a Spaniard who explained in English and a Chinese tour guide who would translate what she said. As "inconspicuouly" as we could, we followed them and when it was time for the translation, we listened to our audio guides. I also sneaked my camera out and took some pictures in the palace. The art and architecture were amazing! Italian Renaissance, German, Flemish, French and Oriental designs decorate different parts of the palace.

Palacio Real (The Royal Palace)

Almudena Cathedral, the royal cathedral

After the palace, we had lunch. Thankfully, the rain stopped and we walked to Puerto de Toledo (The Gate of Toledo) and took some pictures. All of us were freezing cold. We decided we did not want to do any more outdoor activities so I suggested we that we tried to change our bus schedule from 12am to 6.30pm. We did and we went home earlier. ;)